Happy Holidays – Make a plan for Christmas and New Year

Christmas and New Year celebrations can be a joyful high point of the year, but for some it can trigger feelings of anxiety, stress, loneliness and even a level of depression. One of the best ways we’ve found to help stave off these issues and have a happy holiday season is to make a plan for Christmas and New Year. 

So what’s behind the Christmas and New Year blues? In the northern hemisphere, short days and decreased exposure to natural light can affect anyone, but especially those who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Additionally, there is a level of expectation that builds from November onwards to have the ‘perfect’ Christmas and New Year. You might also be panicking that with the end of the year approaching, you haven’t achieved everything you had hoped to – either at work or at home. And of course, there are family issues that can seem worse at this time of year.  

So what can you do? Here are some insights from our Happy Consults experts to avoid those year-end blues.

1. Make a Christmas and New Year plan 

Take time to think about  how you and your family or friends would like to spend the holiday season. If you don’t, you may find that you have to fit in with too many plans that other people have made on your behalf and end the break feeling resentful and stressed that you had to make sure everyone else had a great time and got what they wanted. 

Talk to your family and get their ideas about what they’d like to do, who to see, where to spend the time and what kind of meal and gifts they’re interested in. That way your plan will include some great new ideas, and take the pressure off feeling that it is only your responsibility to deliver the ‘perfect’ Christmas.  Give others the responsibility for certain tasks, or get them to commit to help you with them. It’s more fun to do things together! 

• Agree on and communicate your holiday plans with family and friends in plenty of time.
• Set expectations to help reduce unnecessary feelings of guilt and comparison with others.
• Schedule in the fun and traditional things that happen at this time of year – from decorating the house, to visiting Christmas lights, to baking or going to see special relatives. Part of the enjoyment is looking forward to an event, as well as taking part.
• If the Covid-19 pandemic allows it in your country, go to see a show, listen to a concert.  This is a time for joyful plays. music and carols.
• Make sure you block out time for rest and relaxation. Being exhausted can trigger low feelings and make you short-tempered – not a good combination.

2.  Make a plan for seasonal family reunions 

Christmas and other holiday celebrations are often synonymous with family reunions. However, these events can also at times be the triggers for depression or relapses.  In some cases, the reunion can give rise to some friction, and rekindle old conflicts, which can be the source of a depressed mood. 

Additionally, these traditional gatherings can awaken the pain associated with an event that has changed the composition of the home, such as bereavement or divorce. 

But if spending time with your family can sometimes be a source of tension, conversely, spending this season alone is often much more difficult. Loneliness around the holidays is a major trigger for depression. How to cope?

• Think about contacting people that you have a more difficult relationship with in advance of the day to tell them you are looking forward to seeing them. Help reframe how you are expecting the day to go – from assuming there will be conflict, to talking with that person about the fun you will be having together. 
• Don’t ignore the person that is ‘missing’ – through bereavement or divorce. Acknowledge the new situation, your hopes for the future and if appropriate, talk about the good times you shared with that loved one. 
• When negative feelings arise, remember that this reunion is only for a few hours. You can cope. Others may not be as skilled as you in social situations, they may be anxious and say the ‘wrong’ thing. Give them the benefit of the doubt. None of us is perfect and we need to remember that many people may not have the benefit of family and friends.  
• Express love and gratitude to the people at the reunion through thanks and shared memories.

Plan your workload so you can enjoy Christmas and New Year

You might be lucky enough to have two weeks off work! Many people will have to include some work days over the two-week holiday season. In some countries, it will be the end of year budget and annual personnel reviews. At a time when you want to be enjoying Christmas parties, Covid-19 permitting, and preparing for Christmas, you are hunched over spreadsheets and plans. So by the time you get to go home, you are mentally and physically exhausted. What to do?

• Talk to your boss and colleagues in advance to find out what their expectations are for the end of year. 
• Communicate early if you think there is a danger of not being able to deliver a project by the deadline. Think about how that issue could be solved by getting someone from another team to support you, or how much it would cost to hire an expert freelancer for a couple of days.
• If you are the leader, make sure you anticipate the requests that will be coming your way before closing the year. Remember: you too need a break, not just your direct reports.
• The reality is that at this time of year all bosses and colleagues have family responsibilities or friends and partners they need to be with. Everyone needs a break from work, especially after such a tough and unpredictable couple of years. 
• Making sure you take a proper break from work, will help you be fresh and more effective for the year ahead. Don’t be the person checking their work email over the Christmas table. You deserve to enjoy your time as much as anyone. 

3. Make a plan to tackle loneliness over the holidays

Christmas and New Year are portrayed as times to be with others. And whilst you might be happy with your own company, spending at least some of your time with others will help you find the joy in the season and help ward off loneliness and feelings of depression. What steps can you take?

• Be brave and ask people you like what they’re doing during the holidays. If they ask you what you’re doing, say: “I haven’t decided yet,” and see if they come up with something.  If you don’t get any invitations, then think about hosting something yourself, even if it is just drinks for a couple of hours in advance of the big day. Being hospitable could start a chain of invitations to other events.   
• Book up some activities, like festive workshops where you can learn new skills and meet new people. It’s good to have things scheduled in the diary, to make you leave the house. 
• Give your time and donate some gifts. Joy is communicative. If you dread being on your own during the holidays, then connect with a charity that means a lot to you and volunteer your time. Get involved in their holiday preparations. The time will fly by and you’ll get tremendous satisfaction from helping others, making friends with other volunteers and honing new skills. 

5. Make a brand new plan for Christmas and New Year 

Sometimes, doing the same thing for Christmas and New Year just won’t cut it! You need to make a new plan, decide on a new setting! 

Think about planning a vacation or staycation where you will be stimulated by a new location, where others will be responsible for the food and festivities, leaving you to enjoy yourself and come back refreshed. The key is to not stay in the same familiar environment.  It might feel safe, but it might also contribute to feeling even more lonely and gloomy.

If a longer break is not feasible, then make sure you organise even an overnight stay somewhere new you’ve always wanted to visit.  ‘Changing the air’ is the key – you never know what new experiences will bring. 

6. Get support to cope with Christmas and New Year 

Whilst the holiday season is synonymous with joy, some will be overwhelmed with sadness or experience relapses into depression. However, it should be emphasised that research shows that the end of the year is not the cause of this gloom. It is more that Christmas and New Year’s Day can serve as triggers for anxiety, stress or the risk of relapse into depression. 

The good news is that not all therapists, psychiatrists and psychologists go skiing during the holidays! So if you are experiencing the symptoms of depression, have depression, or are simply dreading the holidays, do not hesitate to consult your regular doctor or mental health professional. Or find someone to support you on Happy Consults, our online platform that offers remote expert counselling from wherever you are in the world, in the language of your choice. 

We hope you’ve found some inspiration in the tips we’ve shared and wish you a Happy Holiday from Happy Consults!